Green square or green horn?

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Elliott checks out Half Dome in Yosemite with a very complicated piece of equipment too expensive and advanced to hit the public market yet. The machine consists of thousands of mirrors and inches of priceless glace and metal to magnify for your viewing pleasures. The lens and camera around his neck aren’t worth the presence of this compound scope. The automaton even has a unique tool to “make view clearer” (not focus or sharpen, for those are of the past now) to see the 3 miles across the valley to the face of Half Dome from Glacier Point.

We’ve come up with a new saying for the Kernel while we’re out here. “The Kernel giveth and Kernel taketh away.” This is true because when you come in you’re going to lose friends, girlfriends, time for other hobbies and whatever good diet you were maintaining is out the window as soon as you start. But just as this happens you will gain new friends, girlfriends, new hobbies become professions and you get to have free junk food pretty often when the Kernel orders pizza or there is left over food from a catered event in the Journalism Building.

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Looks like someone got too excited to shot another picture that they left their long lens behind. Oh, hi! It was Ed.

The one thing that people at the Kernel aren’t in this business for is self recognition, because you sure aren’t going to get much. Most students don’t appreciate the fact that a student led newspaper is a daily (and the only one in the state). We know the massive hours that go into putting out a paper aren’t recognized when we see the top corner of the paper ripped off for the sudoku. Our friends joke about it and say they don’t care enough to read it, or they only look for our pictures. Little do most of them know that comments like this aren’t flattering, they’re insulting. It’s a team effort and everyone wants you to appreciate the final product, not our tiny contribution, although it is appreciated to hear compliments.

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This isn’t dedication. Elliott actually stepped in front of the shot Keith and I were taking just so he could walk in the water. After he said he wasn’t going to take a picture I gave him crap about getting wet so he could just track sand into my car. I said if he was going to do it he needed to take a picture. So he did, but I’m not sure he even thought about it.

Nothing has really brought more recognition to me than Dave telling me that he thinks I’m shooting well and that I’ve made the trip worth it through a few photos. He really liked one I shot of the kitesurfers and the one of the pine tree that I loaded up on that last post. I look up to Dave more than anyone when it comes to editing photos. More than anyone I want to hear him compliment me, because he is tough to impress and doesn’t flatter. We’ve really worked hard and wore ourselves thin trying to get up early and staying out late shooting.

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Above: Ed takes a break in Yosemite to try and nap during the bad light of mid-day. Below: Keith isn’t actually trying to crack into UK’s web servers or anything scandalous. He’s just watching our stuff while we take potty breaks. Photos by Elliott Hess

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While cameras are a good opportunity to start a conversation, you actually have to have a personality for most situations to get beyond how much your camera cost.

This is proof that anyone can have a big expensive camera and use it about as well as Dick Cheney can use a shotgun. This fellow, who was from Ohio, was trying to use his “big zoom lens” to pick up one or both of these two girls from LA. The conversation was relatively disgusting but still hilarious to tune in on. “This is a push, pull lens. You can push it to make it zoom,” or when one asked how much it cost he said, “I’ll tell you once you give it back to me.” The guy had a 100-400 on there. He was bragging about his camera and I swear I heard him referring to his flower settings, which is “for close ups of flowers,” in case you didn’t know. I wanted to inform him that his camera (same as mine, Canon 20D) was only worth about half of its original value since the new Canons came on the market. But we all shut up and let him have his fun. He quitened down after we all stood over his shoulder and shot the heck out of the beautiful sunset when it hit.

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While everyone else is trying to take landscape photos in this ugly light, I just said screw it and took the snapper. Ed mocked me for not including the subject of the shoot, but I suppose sometimes we can be the subject. If you’re interested in where this was taken click here.

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I’m not sure that this isn’t an example of using your camera to hit on someone. You can never be sure. I know she initiated this conversation by asking Elliott how far his zoomed compared to her camera. She didn’t believe that 200 is 200, no matter the aperture. Elliott proved it to her and got a kiss on the cheek or something for his kindness.

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No matter how professional we feel we’re never too professional to stop shooting and pose for a picture.


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Once again a lens falls to the ground for the sake of another photo. This time it was me. Click here for the results.

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2 Responses to “Green square or green horn?”

  1. This blog has been great. The photos have at times been incredible and have always been entertaining and the wordsmithery very enjoyable. Your generosity in sharing your trip with us is much appreciated. Continue to take advantage of all that you can. Safe travels.

  2. Christen Says:

    The picture of the guy hitting on those girls with his “mad camera skillz,” I couldn’t see him very well in the picture and at first thought that it was Keith. Haha.

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