If nothing were temporary

“Some few people in every town, in their dreams, are vaguely aware that all has occurred in the past. …they sense that their misjudgments and wrong deeds and bad luck have all taken place in the previous loop of time. In the dead of night these cursed citizens wrestle with their bedsheets, unable to rest, stricken with the knowledge that they cannot change a single action, a single gesture. Their mistakes will be repeated precisely in this life as in the life before.”
Alan Lightman, Einstein’s Dreams pg. 11, 12

Digging deep into my past and wishing things were like they used to be isn’t really my style.

With the exception of very few, most of my hometown friends miss high school and the days of when our core group of friends were able to hang out every day with no worries and minimal responsibilities. That was back when we blazed the small town streets in our hand-me-down cars and cranked our mainstream music out of the factory stereos. I loved that lifestyle then but I could never “go back.”

When I was living it and I had that tight group of guys that I loved hanging out with I never wanted to leave them. Getting the seven or eight of us together and just shooting the bull was all I needed to fully enjoy a Friday or Saturday night.

It’s not that I can’t get six or seven of my best friends together and fully enjoy a night of just them. I just don’t like being limited to that. Sometimes it seems my senior friends never want to branch out of anything than what we had when we were 17. But we’re so much above that.

I love those guys. I love all that they’re worth. I guess sometimes I just wish they were more open to seeing my life as it is now. With the exception of a few, it just doesn’t work that.

I’m not sure if it’s always going to be like that. Every time we go into a new stage of our life are we going to make new friends that never meet each other? Will my new best friends I’ve made in college never be able to meet and love my high school friends the way I do. The whole idea of living life as separate and developing continuums seems to completely accepted by those I’ve known the longest, and I refuse to buy into it.

Ironically, the whole situation reminds me of a book I read with these guys our senior of high school for English. Einstein’s Dreams is all about time and separation. I reread some of the book at the beginning of summer because it’s so interesting. The book presents the idea of living in separate times and existing in different realities. While all of it seems unlikely, it does its job of widening horizons and broadening thought processes.

One of the most significant scenarios described every stage of our life as being lived over and over. My high school years are being lived continuously. I’ll pass my drivers test on the first try from then for eternity. Time after time I’ll lose two significant high school girlfriends. Forever will I meet two of my best friends in high school, one my freshman year in geography and another in chemistry. My mom and dad will watch me walk across the stage and accept my diploma, from that moment until life is unable to sustain itself anymore. Each time an act happens, me and the rest will respond with as much enthusiasm as the last, never knowing it’s being repeated or will be again.

If the book’s author, Alan Lighman, is right, that self will never be aware of my college self that exist right now. It will never know how I really don’t see high school as the most significant part of my life, as I did then. In fact, I don’t even care about most of the typical memories people make in those four years. I don’t look down on that time, I just don’t uplift it anymore. Just as that self isn’t aware of my current life, I’m totally unaware of the life that is already playing out before me. All stages are acting out with new characters and major players in every act without intermission.

While all of this seems frivolous and irrelevant to the world we do know, it perfectly explains how my close friends interact with each other. All live on unconscious of each other. All are unaware of the impact they’re having on me, the protagonist in this play. With each curtain fold and every players bow, another act unravels. It seems I’m the only one who will ever be able to appreciate each character I know and their depth and alluring personality.

Pause. Close curtain.

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3 Responses to “If nothing were temporary”

  1. I agree with you about high school. I would never want to go back there. Again, like you said, I love my friends and all, but it’s time to move on. I don’t agree with the loop of time. If it existed, I would not be in a very good place in my life right now…and I’m not and haven’t been in a long time. It’s a ridiculous idea and I don’t feel that the book mentioned would be a very interesting read.

  2. lenscapremoved Says:

    Ridiculous ideas cause you to think about reality, which is why I like this book so much. Having read the book helped me gain new perspectives and ideas about development.

  3. unfortunately, i think a lot of the friends you will make in this life will never meet some of the ones you consider to be the closest…it’s never itentionally that it happens, just that life happens instead. i often think back to my high school days…somtimes it would be nice to go back to being worryfree, but other times i am so glad that part is over and i have so much to look forward to now and in the future. Sometimes, it’s like leading a double life with 2 or more sets of friends…

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